I have been thinking about how close Christmas is now, and I’m trying to decide just what I’m feeling at this point…but I just don’t know.
There are moments that I think of you a few years ago around the holidays with Dad still here and how much I looked forward to our usual Christmas Eve dinner at the house, and how you and Sue would pass the pkgs around and wait to see the looks on our faces after we would open a gift.
I also remember the first Christmas without Dad, and how tough it was for you to even look at Sue decorating the house.
That was a pretty tough day for the both of us, and I was glad when you went to the city to stay with the family there.
I knew it was better for you that way.
And last Christmas was better for us wasn’t it…it didn’t seem to hurt so much, and we were all smiling ( well I wasn’t when all I got were clothes! ) and again, you were in Brooklyn for the New Year.
This year is different, now both you and Dad are gone, and there are the dark moments that I still have now and then.
I don’t know how I will feel on Christmas Eve or Christmas day…I guess I will have to just wait and hope for the best…